Why We Sabotage Loving Relationships
Today we are going to go into why it is that we may not be able to love ourselves the way that we could.
We need to go back to a time in our lives when we were really young — like before 8 years old when our brains were operating at a very slow rate — alpha or theta brain waves — where meditators and those in hypnosis go. It is when our brain waves are this slow that we are just recording whatever comes into our senses including those messages that we receive from those in our lives. Now, many times there may be a comment made that was interpreted from the simple statement made in a heightened emotional state that put us into a hypnotic trance state (both positive and negative emotions will place us into a hypnotized state which is why the marketers, preachers, and politicians are able to move people to action).
Now, if we are only a few years old, our conscious mind has not developed so fully yet to be able to reason, rationalize, or judge anything, most especially what may be going on in our parent’s mind when they said that nasty thing to us that has now made us feel lousy about ourselves — to give us a sense of unworthiness of anything, most especially love from another.
So, how do we go about shifting these memories of these negative events that caused us to be unable to appreciate ourselves for who we are. I have learned that step one is to realize that to take on the coding of our inner child — the one who was adversely affected by these comments by realizing that our parents were stressed out about many things that we could not understand at the time. That though the statements were aimed at us, they were not for us — they were a projection place onto us. Because the reality of the situation is that we are not what others may have said at the time. We are the people that we choose to be in this life — like now — not the kid who experienced whatever was experienced at the earlier stage in life.
Many people carry on with not just one inner child inside them — running them as the adults they have become, but several given the number of times the caustic words of others have been encoded in their minds to let them know they are unworthy.
Some people are able to just come to an understanding that parents do the best they can with what they got (which is a presupposition of neuro-linguistic programming — “Everyone is doing the best with what they have.”).
Other folks really need to do the deeper work to help them to reframe these limiting beliefs based on the younger years. The reality is that the younger a person was when these negative messages were placed in a person’s mind, the stronger they are impressed in the unconscious mind creating the negative results that one is experiencing through the internal representations that live there. This means that without the help of a practitioner it may be impossible to shift them. I know for myself, it was only through getting the help I needed from those who understood how the mind worked that any of this stuff was able to be changed for myself and that was after many years of conscious therapy and medications that never really it the cause of the problems — not really.
So if you are feeling unworthy of love, find yourself sabotaging it every time it arrives in your life, perhaps you have some of these negative messages running around in your unconscious mind. These thoughts can be consciously known, yet live in your unconscious mind — or they may be unconsciously unconscious meaning that they are there but you haven’t been able to access them consciously. I am running a “Bringing Love to Your Primary Relationship” 3-Day retreat in the Dominican Republic to help 12 people to know that they are worthy of love and how to stop sabotaging it when it arrives in their lives. Here is where you can get more information on how you can join us in this relaxing journey into our souls right on the sea:
https://dawningvisions.com/upcoming-events/
Your mind is your best asset, come and learn how to use it to create the love you deserve!
