Why Some Patients Will Not Heal
The idea for this article came from my partner Dr. Daniel Reiders after I told him of a prospective client telling me, “I am not ready to let go of my current identity.” Thank you Dr. Dan for the idea and here is the article:
We are going to tackle a very common issue that folks who employ me have to come through to gain an exceptional life far superior to what they brought with them into my practice. That is the fear of not knowing who they will be when they no longer have the identity of all they have known — that of being depressed, anxiety-ridden, drug or sex addicted, etc.
It may seem strange to an outsider to understand why one would want to hold on to the emotional pain and dysfunction that comes with these negative emotions and limiting beliefs they hold, yet it is a very real fear that many of those who never become my clients have.
Think of it this way: “I know who I am and even though it isn’t that much fun, and have no idea who I will become on the other side of treatment — it’s scary not knowing: Who will that person be? Can I live up to the expectations that will be there for me once I no longer have the reasons, rationalization, and judgments of allowing others to minimize my humanity yet who also take care of me because…well I am so broken, no one expects me to be more than I am — which means that I don’t have to do those things that I don’t want to do anymore because…well… it’s all too scary and takes too much energy and I can’t do it anyway.”
There are many reasons why some people may never be willing to be emotionally healed. In reality, it all comes down to not understanding that they will be empowered to have a life worth living. Instead that idea ‘freaks’ them out.
A large part of my job is to get my client ‘at cause’ for his/her own healing because till that is done, the client will be stuck ‘at effect’ continuing to blame the world for all the problems that the client is experiencing. It is imperative that the client understand that no one can change his/her own world, but s/he.
I am merely the facilitator of the work and in order to be able to do that facilitation, the client has to be excited at the prospect of finally releasing all those negative emotions of anger, sadness, fear, guilt, and in some cases, shame and depression. The client also has to be willing to let go of the limiting beliefs that have kept them ‘stuck without any choices’ because the reality is that anyone who is able to go into their UNconscious/subconscious mind can come up with much better choices than those being currently lived which are creating the problems that keep occurring in the client’s life.
Generally speaking, I am unwilling to work for long at getting a prospective client ‘at cause.’ I want the client to already be ‘at cause’ and be excited at all the new possibilities that life can illuminate being of sound mind having clear thinking — feeling appreciation for learning those things that were so hard to understand while stuck in the negative emotions and limiting beliefs. To finally let go of the reasons, rationalizations, and judgments believing that they were correct to feel the anger, resentment, fear, and guilt…the thoughts and destructive patterns of behavior that kept them stuck in the first place.
As I was journaling this morning I realized that the reason that I am able to hold others accountable in as strong a manner as I do (and any parent who does this for their kid knows exactly how much energy holding others accountable for their behaviors can be) is that I always held myself accountable for my own behavior.
When I got my diagnosis of manic depression way back in 1989 I found every book on the subject and back then there were not many — over the years many more were published. Through reading them I learned how others dealt with their manic depression and somewhere deep inside, I also realized that I didn’t need to have some psychiatric label even if the symptoms in this case aligned with many of my thoughts and behaviors I was experiencing at that time. Knowing that I was going to rise above it, not knowing how but believing that it was possible and that the way would be shown. With that fierce belief, the way was shown allowing me to let it go forever (since the third week of February 2004). I did not want any reason to be other than sane and in control of my own faculties, and most especially my emotions. I was more than willing to take responsibility for any actions that I may have taken that harmed others, and make the reparations for said negative behaviors. I was very clear that till that was done, there would be no way to totally heal — and that was done several years before the manic depression was cleared in 2004 — and perhaps needed to be done before it was indeed cleared — I don’t really know having made the choices I did at the time to regain my own integrity.
It is not as hard to shift one’s perspective while in a hypnotic trance state because one is in an altered state where the mind is able to work 100 times quicker. The mind works 1,000 times quicker when one is in their super/higher conscious where the connection to the divine is to be experienced — that would be the ability to work on the spiritual level with the ability to get the unconscious mind’s outlived protections out of the way to clear the way for much faster healing (and healing at all in the case of those whose unconscious mind will not release the protective qualities not believing it is safe for the conscious mind to allow that material to be released).
If you are a person who is fearful of letting go of your current identity for a new identity where you are actually able to function in life without having to deny any of your own magnificence and instead relying on others to keep you safe even from your own self-harming behaviors, I invite you to think about why it may be that you are holding onto this dysfunctional way of being. To think about what you are losing out on when you compare the quality of your life to those who do not have these symptoms/issues to fight each and every day and to think about if it is time to let all that crap go. Because, I can tell you that first, it is nowhere as scary to let this stuff go as you may believe not having yet taken the steps to do so. Secondly, the biggest gift you can give to yourself is being emotionally healthy and mentally clear — and it is, by the way, the biggest gift you can give to those who love you and are worried about you each and every day…because they have no idea how your life will turn out if you keep on doing what you currently are doing…those of you to whom I am speaking know exactly who you are…so I invite you to get quiet with yourself and perhaps grab a piece of paper or a new document on the computer and just write out these questions and write whatever comes to mind. You may just find that it is finally time to let all the negative aspects of your thinking and behavior go and allow yourself to move onto a truly magnificent life. Where you can indeed shine at what you were placed here on earth to do as so many of my other clients have been able to do and dare I say, that I was able to do for myself. I knew that living with all the frantic thoughts and frantic actions through the hypomania though fun for me was totally unhealthy for me to continue living. I was basically ‘high’ on my own brain chemistry for bright days of spring and summer for 6 months and then got so depressed I didn’t do much of anything feeling too exhausted in that state during the dark 6 months of fall and winter of New England where I was living through all of this time. It definitely was not worth everything that I was unable to do. It wasn’t worth the concerns that others had for me even 20+ years after I was healed — it took that long for many of those closest to me to understand that I was no longer ill — and to tell you the truth, I followed the advice of another hypnotist who had a very bad drug habit, his family and friends never allowing him to be ‘recovered’ so he moved to Sedona Arizona and got into crystals and built a hypnosis practice out there where he could have a new identity — one of a “healed” person.
I did the same thing about a decade later — and it was one of the best things I did, even if the finances of living in California were difficult, at least I could be ‘me’ without any of the past negative behaviors being brought up. Without any fear of my sliding back to insanity by others. Without the judgments that are attached to one with a label of mental illness. I expunged all of that history from all of my medical records starting over in my new local and therefore truly began a new life without looking back. It was exhilarating in the most healthy of ways.
It is only when we are UNWILLING to take other peoples’ ideas of who we are to be and how we are to act away, that we are able to fulfill that which we TRULY are — because, it is only by living in the present creating our future the way we want it that we will have a life that is more than worthy of living.
If you are ready to reclaim your magnificent life fill out the form and request a free 45-minute ‘Chaos to Clarity Conversation at:
https://dawningvisions.com/contact_suzanne/
I look forward to seeing how we can help you to finally heal and have the life you desire and deserve.
