Why Can’t I Find My Perfect Mate?

Today we are going to speak to the notion of ‘being full’ emotionally before inviting a person into to be our primary partner.

Too often people will get want to be in a relationship because they don’t feel whole on their own — as if this other person is there to fill them up.

I have some news for those of you who feel this is the way it works. No one can fill you up with feelings of happiness and contentment but yourself. You will realize this if you have been in the situation where you were so desperate for someone to come into your life to fill you up because you were feeling (whatever negative feelings you wanted to disappear) and found that the person that you were with had many of their own problems. In some cases you may have ended up being abused physically or emotionally as a result of their problems which can happen to men as well).

Karen Berg wrote a beautiful little book where she spoke to being the person who you wanted to invite to be your partner, because till you are that person, you won’t be able to get along with whomever you bring in. It’s a great teaching because so many people believe that their partner needs to fill this long list of attributes and yet, the individual themselves hasn’t met their own criteria. By, the way research has shown that most of the criteria for having long-lasting loving relationships had nothing to do with making a great relationship — because only a few really important things matter. Respect for one another, autonomy to be who a person is dropping all pretenses, shared values. and being kind to one another.

Learning: No one person is going to be able to make you happy or content — this is something that we each need to do for ourselves first. Then we can find a partner that will be well matched for us. Till then, learn to do those things and have those emotions that bring in your own happiness and contentment. It will most certainly make you much more attractive to a partner.

If you are a person who is needing to build up your own sense of self-love and contentment and are feeling lost in how to go about doing this. Maybe you have tried everything else. You and I can get together for a chat to see how we can work together to help you overcome this situation. You may contact me here:

https://dawningvisions.com/contact_suzanne/

I have helped over a thousand people to let go of what wasn’t working for them and transform themselves into happy and contented people over the past 19 years.