How To Never Allow An Emotionally Disturbed Person Engage You In An Angry Interaction
Today I want to share something that is going to change your life if you are a person who gets angry with other people challenging your knowledge, authority, or just being really rude and obnoxious without being influenced by something that you said or did.
A story to frame this for you:
I have a client who is a professional singer. She was doing a set of Whitney Houston material — some of the toughest songs for anyone to sing. She was really happy with her performance however she had 2 people say really rude things to her.
The first told her that her singing sucks.
The second told her that she is ‘fat!’
During our session, she told me how nobody had the right to say that she can’t sing because this was one of the most difficult artist’s materials to sing and few people have the ability to sing it at all, never mind as well as she had with all her vocal training over many years along with her excellent instrument — that being her voice in this case.
I had to explain to her that people who act in this manner are usually emotionally unbalanced and crying out to be noticed, sometimes to receive help. Because as Sister Teresa once said people only communicate love or they communicate that they are in pain.
Keep this reframe in mind whenever you find yourself in a similar situation — it is never about you, and as such you never want to engage in the interaction.
My suggestion to my client was to turn to another person in the crowd who she noticed truly was enjoying the music by dancing or singing with her, whatever the gestures were, note them to that person and tell them how great it was that they were showing her how much they enjoyed the show because it really helped her to give them a much better show with their positive energy. And, then she was to go right back to singing her set of songs.
You see, if you fail to engage these people and break eye contact and even body contact with them by turning away, you are creating what we call in neuro-linguistic programming “a pattern interrupt” meaning that the person with the inappropriate behavior no longer has an energetic connection with you. Allowing you to move on to much more productive and fun things in your life.