How To Be More Social in A Healthy Way

Today we are going to explore ways of how to be more social with others as this was a subject suggested by one of my followers on TicToc.

This is an interesting question given that we are social animals and much like ants and bees we humans need to be with other humans to feel happy and fulfilled.

Now there is a difference between being social just to be with others and being social in a healthy manner with others. Many people will hang out with people just because they are available yet, these people may not share the values and beliefs of the individual who is hanging out with them. Or, maybe they are just plain bored by the conversations to be had, so choosing those with whom one is socializing is an important component of the choices we are making in terms of the people with whom we socialize.

I would also like to point out that being on social media is NOT being social despite its name. For many, it is a place of unhealthy comparisons to others’ inflated ideas of the high points (and sometimes even low points) of their lives — definitely not even close to reality for most people who share whatever on social media. That is not to say that one is unable to find interesting and helpful material on social media, as this is my preferred way to both give information and sometimes receive it — though I do have to acknowledge that often those who show up doing FB Lives, etc in my feeds more often than not have nothing to say and waste my time listening to them — I really don’t care about your time walking your dog, not really. So, one needs to be very discerning with what one allows in via the social media feeds that are all over the internet.

So, how does one become more social?

It is really a matter of putting yourself into environments where people that you find interesting and fun will be found. That could be a meetup group with like-minded people who share your interests. It could be meeting interesting people as I did in the two Toastmasters groups that I was involved in, one on each coast of the US, full of interesting people from all over the world learning how to do presentations usually for work situations. However, I learned a lot about different cultures from those folks who were in each of the groups along with their specializations and made some very special friends.

One of the reasons that I came back to the academic world at this late stage in my life was that I felt a calling to do something across the globe in a subject that I found interesting studying Peace & Conflict Management at the International School of the University of Haifa, in Haifa, Israel. I wanted to be with thoughtful, idealistic people again and it was a great decision all around so far as I am concerned. I wanted to live in the dorms to be with the great energy of these folks. Some of the younger folks found that interesting as many of them wanted to leave the dorms. I love the dorms because I am on campus all the time and bump into folks to have conversations with constantly. Many times they are Arab people who find me interesting coming from the US, as I find them interesting as there weren’t any Arabs in the areas in the US where I grew up or lived most of my life. So, we have had many fascinating conversations. I wouldn’t call them my ‘friends,’ but we do smile and have interesting conversations when we see each other — socialization, yes! I also became very friendly with the students from Africa, having been to three African countries, I have found that I love Africans so felt attracted to them and let them all know that even though I may not have been in their particular home country, that this very white Jewish woman has at least been to their continent to work and enjoying the loving hospitality of Africans while being there. We had many interesting conversations about their homelands and cultures.

Many universities have interesting lectures for people to attend so check them out. You may make a new friend at one of these events.

Because the bottom line is that to be more social, one has to feel comfortable among the people that one is socializing with. That means there needs to be a context of shared interests from which to begin.

When one is in such an environment the main source of interaction is that of curiosity about the other person. Ask a lot of questions about how they got into the thing that they are involved in. If they are from a different culture ask questions to learn about that culture. If they are just plain interesting because they have done many things that you have not, ask them about those things. Always coming from a loving and accepting place in your heart.

It is certainly much easier to make friends while one is young and in these environments that makes it much easier to do so because many times it can be difficult to make friends with co-workers given a lot of the politics that occur in business environments. However, some businesses do what they can to allow for a healthy culture so people can in fact form some really great friendships.

If one is self-employed, it is most important to become involved in groups that cater to the self-employed. That can be networking groups, business coaching groups around your expertise — for me is all about holistic healing and complementary (to western medical interventions) care. Otherwise one is alone much of the time and that isn’t healthy at all.

The most important thing is, to be honest with yourself once you meet different people, because you may find that even though a person seems like a great fit for you, that they are bringing you down in some fashion — may be talking down to you, maybe just very superficial, or maybe even misrepresenting themselves. In these cases, spend less and less time with them till the relationship ends, because it really does matter that the people with whom you interact are people that you find are a positive influence on you — people that you find are enjoyable to be with for the right reasons.

I have to say that living in the dorms, I have had had many different roommates over the time that I have lived in my apartment — with 2 other roommates at all times). I have lived with people from other parts of the US, Italy, Romania, Poland, and now I have two Israeli roommates. All of them have taught me a lot about their various cultures and all of them have had very different ways of interacting because of their cultural differences. Even the other student from the US came from the South where I came from NY so there were differences there as well, though both her parents are doctors and my dad was a dentist — and somehow she wants to be a medical doctor and I ran away from the conventional way of practicing mental health. So, the two of us rarely agreed on things medical interestingly enough. Of course, I have been in the field of mental health for almost 30 years and she is just beginning medical school this year. So just given the age difference and our experiences there are huge differences between us. This is just to say, that sometimes you find you have more in common with a person from a totally different culture than one’s own.

Socialization is to be fun and interesting. So make that your goal as you socialize, and you may just make yourself some really great friends in the process.

• **Note: If you are a person who is experiencing social anxiety — do contact me. There are certainly ways to help you to overcome it. We can set up a time to have a conversation to see how we can help you. You may contact me at:
• https://dawningvisions.com/contact_suzanne/