Esther Perel’s Teachings for Healthy Primary Partnerships
Today we are going to look at what healthy relationships are comprised of from the perspective of Esther Perel, a specialist in this area.
The first thing that we need to understand is that healthy relationships come from a curiosity about truly getting to know the other person. Perel says that this is another form of erotism.
Complacency comes in when the partners feel that they are merely serving a function and nothing is noted by the other. Everything is taken for granted.
Over time only the negative is acknowledged and that is the death of the relationship. Whatever is good goes unacknowledged and whatever is bad is amplified.
Give each other a lot of space. Not everything needs to be shared. With each having different friends and different interests, the space between the partners allows for more connections with others giving more support when needed. Most important with this idea is the acknowledgment that one partner is incapable of filling all of your needs. Allowing for multiple sources of intimacy and friendship will bring health to your primary relationship.
Humility, in understanding that you are not and never will be an expert on your partner — you can never know all the thoughts of your partner. Focus on your own self and those areas that you need to improve, allowing one to take responsibility for one’s own actions in the relationship for better or worse.
When one of the partners causes harm to the other, it is mandatory to accept responsibility, feeling remorse and guilt — as opposed to shame which makes it more about the person who did the harm, than healing the harm done to the other partner. The harmed partner is given all the time that is necessary to make sense of the trespass on the relationship till forgiveness is achieved for the other partner’s negative actions.
Learning: We need to realize our own responsibilities when it comes to our relationships. Being humble in assessing the situation from where we may have caused an issue will help to keep better and more honest communication, instead of impulsively blaming our partner for the harm that was caused.
***If you are having issues with your relationship that you know you need to deal with, I am running a 3-Day retreat at the beautiful Villa Serena Hotel right on the water of the Dominican Republic October 2–4, 2021. For more information:
https://dawningvisions.com/upcoming-events/
This retreat is limited to 12 people to allow each person to receive the attention necessary for true transformation to occur.
